THE SHREDDING MACHINE
A young executive was leaving the office late one
evening when he found the CEO standing in front
of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and
important document here, and my secretary
has gone for the night. Can you make this
thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young
executive, eager to be perceived as
helpful. He turned the machine on, insert-
ed the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his
paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just
need one copy.”
TWIN BROTHERS
A General of the US Air Force decided
that he would personally intervene in
the recruiting crisis affecting all of the
US armed services.
As he and his staff were standing near
a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin
brothers who looked like they had just
stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting
class walked up to them. The chief of
staff walked up to them, stuck out his
hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and
asked, "Son, what skills can you bring
to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says,
"I am a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to
his aide and says, "Sign him today, do
all the paper work get on with it"
The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second
young man and asked, "What skills to
you bring to the Air Force?" The young
man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we don't
need wood choppers in the Air Force,
what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you
are not listening to me, we do not
need wood choppers. This is the 20th
century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired
my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general,
"he is a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says,
"Dang it, I have to chop it before he
can pile it!"
SOLUTION PROVIDERS
A young guy from Texas moves
to California and goes to a big
department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have
any sales experience?" The boy
says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back
home in Texas." The boss liked the
boy, so he gave him the job. "You
start tomorrow. I will come down
after we close and see how you
did."
His first day on the job was rough,
but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the
boss came down. "How many sales
did you make today?" The boy
says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales
people average 20 or 30 sales a
d a y .
How much
was
the
sale
for?"
Boy says, "$101,237.64." Boss says,
"$101,237.64? What did you sell?"
Boy says, "First I sold him a small fish
hook. Then I sold him a medium fish
hook. Then I sold him a larger fish
hook. Then I sold him a new fishing
rod. Then I asked him where he was
going fishing, and he said down
at the coast, so I told him he was
gonna need a boat, so we went
down to the boat department, and
I sold him that twin engine Chris
Craft. Then he said he did not think
his Honda Civic would pull it, so I
took him down to the automotive
department and sold him that 4X4
Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here
to buy a fish hook and you sold him
a boat and truck?"
Boy says, “We were both solution
providers. He solved my problems
on how to make huge sales and I
solved his problem of not knowing
what he wants.”
SPELLING
(NB: Only long-time English-speakers will understand this)
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The pha-
onmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt
tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I
awlyas toghuht slpelnig was ipmorantt! Lte's sohw tihs to the bsos so he wno't crtizi-
cie our wrok so mcuh!
58 •
The Lion King
• April - June 2015
Arts
| Jokes
